The Life of a Worm

THE LIFE OF A WORM
I woke up very early
But stayed wrapped up in bed
Not wanting to leave my safety
To get chewed up by the head

Maybe you might not notice
But I'm very smart you see
I hide inside my hole
So the early birds won't get me

The monsters had gone
They couldn't hurt me now
How the other worms all do it
I have no idea how

Out of my hole I came
And ate my juicy fill
I felt powerful and strong
There was nothing I couldn't kill

I crawled around the garden
Intimidating all ants
I felt free, there was nothing to stop me
Plus, I had no pants

I suddenly saw a foot
Aiming at my head
SPLAT!!!
I was dead!

How to clean your plate the Easy way

How to clean your plate the Easy way
At the dinner table do you sometimes feel that you are not in the mood for eating much? Do your parents insist that you clean your plate until it shines? Do you just wish that you could just magically wipe you plate clean??Well here's a way...read on!

1.before dinner arm yourself with pants with extremely large pockets, a high collared long shirt and a small leakproof bag.

2.make sure your parents see you eat at least a few spoons of food.

3.direct the dinner conversation to something that involves looking at anywhere but you. eg.talk about the polishing of the piano, the paint o the walls, the formation of photos hung up or how to tile the kitchen differently.

4.when the family's attention is focused on different parts of the house, transfer the food on your spoon into the bag. repeat this process a few times to get this done faster. you have a maximum amount of time of about 10-15 seconds if you convince them there is something really wrong with the paintwork or something.

5.when you have filled the box, move in to the pockets of the pants. if food is messy, arrange a plastic bag in the pocket to prevent the food from dirtying your pants.

6.if pants are full, please proceed to shirt. again, if it is a good shirt line it with plastic bags.

7.if plate is still full, lure the dog under the table and feed it some and when your siblings aren't looking, dump some onto their plates as well.

Good luck, you can try this procedure about twice a month so it doesn't get too suspicious!!

Interesting Report

FUSTRATED HUSBAND JABS WIFE IN THE EYE WITH A KITE OUT OF SHEER IRRITATION.
Mr. Sheeshkebab, 39jabbed his wife, Reeno Sheeshkebab, 38 in the eye yesterday. He quotes it to be an accident but an eye witness claims to have seen him contort his face in anger before stabbing hs wife. Though there has been no visible form of injury, Mrs. Sheshkebab is currently lying in the hospital, recalling the incident. "I was walking along, minding my own buisness when suddenly a large kite soars toward my face and the corner caught me in the hard in the eye. As my glasses shattered horribly, i remember watching my husband laugh insanely and openly." Our reporters say that they hear doctors sniggering about the mad woman in ward 7899(Mrs. Sheeshkebab's ward) considering her to be more of a joke than anything. Mrs. Sheeshkebab still ranting on about her apparently insane, mad, fool of a husband and has sworn on national television never to forgive him again. As Mr.Sheeshkebab will only refer to the incident as an accident, we do not know what really happened. For an insiders account, we questioned the Sheeshkebab children on what happened. They seemed reluctant to talk about it at first but after a while, we managed to get a confession. "Daddy was flying kites with us. When it was time to go home, we packed up the kites. Daddy took the biggest one because it was too heavy for everyone else. Anyway, when we were walking to the car, daddy made the kite swing hard out at mummy. it did hit her in the eye but she did not seem to be hurt." Mr. Sheeshkebab has finally confessed to hitting his wife because she forgot to clean her nose the other night. He has been summoned for a trial that will take place on the 22nd of November.